My Superpowers


I have only recently become aware that I have superpowers.  It keeps astounding me.  I really need to get used to it.

 

Let me start this story with the first revelation I had.  It took me over 20 years, but I finally did realize that normal human beings cannot tell the difference between a fork and a spoon — unless they pull the utensil out and look at it  to see if it has tines or a bowl!

Seriously!  I nearly fell over in absolute shock as I realized this.  I can just grab a fork or spoon by the handle, and usually I can tell by the weight and balance, or how it slides against other utensils in a drainer, which one it is.  I didn’t think this was anything special!

So it drove me absolutely nuts when… let’s say a particular housemate of once upon a time kept yanking open a (very loud and old) silverware drawer, pulling out utensils, and throwing them back in.  When I figured this whole thing out, it was a simple matter to go to the silverware drawer and turn all the utensil piles so that the working ends were at the front of the drawer.  (Yeah, apparently it’s difficult for normal humans to also remember which slot is for forks and which slot is for which type of spoon…)

From then on out, the silverware drawer only had to be opened a little bit and it was instantly clear which utensils were in which slot.  Ah, relief!

 

 

My second revelation wasn’t that much of a shock, but it was certainly a game-changer.  Well, life-changer.  I had always complained about being plagued by stupid people.  Why?  Why couldn’t I be surrounded by smart people?  How did all the idiots of the world seem to end up in my immediate vicinity?

Then I realized… OMG!  They aren’t stupid people!  These are all people of average intelligence!

Dopey me, I expected humans to be as smart as I am.  It’s a shock, I tell you.  I mean, I’ve always known I was smart, duh.  Just not… how much of an impact that really had on my life.  And how really above average I was.  :X

But it helped me with my anger.  I don’t get so mad at people being stupid.  I just go, “Well, they’re of average intelligence.  That’s about the best they can do.”  Lowered my expectations right down to normal levels.

 

 

Now, my biggest superpower to date…!  People tell me things.   And I remember them!

(SHOCK!)

No, seriously.  I could never, ever  understand why everyone thought school was so hard!  I mean… the teacher told you something — like, I dunno… ‘In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue’ or whatever.   Then like ten minutes later, the teacher would ask, “Okay, class, what happened in 1492?”

And everybody would be like… No, no, don’t pick me!  I don’t know!   And I was like… um… you just told us this TEN MINUTES AGO.  Duh?

Then at the end of the week, or the end of the lesson segment, and/or at the end of the year, you’d get a test.  And this was a little piece of paper that asked about stuff the teacher told you previously.  You write down what they told you, or what you read.  Kids would go nuts over these things!  Oh no!  I have to study!  This is so hard!  I’m going to fail!   I was constantly like… WTF?

My parents were ecstatic and would tell me I was doing so well in school, and blah blah blah huzzah.  And I was bewildered, because… uh?  What was so hard about it?

 

Just recently, I was telling my mom about something she had told me.  (Within the past 7 years, not when I was a kid.)  And she was like, ‘Where did you hear that?’

I said, ‘YOU told me!’

‘I did??’

So… not only can’t people remember what other people told them… they can’t remember what they told other people!

Oh, I’ve had that happen to me on more than one occassion!  Someone will tell me something, something I could do or make use of… a while later I will act on what I’ve been told.  And then this person will yell at me for doing what they told me I could do!  Like I made it up and did it on my own.  Without permission!

So, screw that.  When people offer me stuff, or offer to be there to support me, I’m like, Yeah, right, sure.  Ignored!

 

On the other side… I tend to not want to harp on things, or get in people’s face.  I will tell my friends something.  Like “I’m doing this.  If you want to see some WIPs, you can look here.”  One time.  That’s it.  They don’t want to bother with it, they don’t want to look, they don’t want to comment.  That’s fine.  They don’t care.

But apparently, it’s also quite possible that I say something, and they forget it soon afterward.

 

 

Lastly, yes, there is one person I know who is jumping up and down and waving arms and making faces…. I will admit it!  My superpower is NOT infallible.

Sometimes, people tell me things.  And sometimes I don’t remember them!  (GASP!)  Well, hell, I didn’t say I remember EVERY SINGLE THING anyone has ever said.  Or that I’ve ever read.  But I’m starting to have the sneaking suspicion that this is what’s going on.

If I figure this out… I’ll better be able to cope with humans as a species.

(Cause it has been quite clear all along that I am NOT one of them!)

 

 


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