The other night, I had some really crazy dreams….
In the first one, I was a minion of some evil overlord and I had an assignment I had to fulfill. We had captured the leader of some terrorist organization, and turned him into a stinkbug. My mission was to mail him back to his family, alive, so they would have to kill him.
I had to mail him in this bucket, overseas to the Middle East or wherever. So I had to make sure it was no longer airtight, so he didn’t asphyxiate. I set the bug down, and this cardboard box we had the bug in. Some friends of mine were there, and I said, ‘now make sure this bug does NOT get away.’ Naturally, the little sucker escaped and tried to make a run for it! I HATE bugs! But if I mess up my mission here, The Boss is gonna be mad! So I’m grabbing this bug — very gently — and throwing it back in the box.
Meanwhile, I’ve poked some holes in the bucket with a screwdriver. Then I looked at the lid and realized the lid was still airtight. It needed some holes drilled in it. My friends disappeared. The bug turned into a squirrel. And was STILL trying his darndest to escape!
So I GRAB the little sucker by the scruff of his neck in one hand, and I’m trying to assemble the bucket and box into some form of squirrel container. With air holes. I shove the squirrel in the bucket. The breaks I punched with the screwdriver allow him to escape. He scarpers off and I’m grabbing his tail for dear life. (Keep in mind, I’m normally very very kind to animals. But this was a terrorist, here!)
I yanked him back and started experimenting with taping his tail down to the bottom of the cardboard box. He squeaked and squealed and carried on like I was hurting him, so I figured I must be doing something right. So a few pieces of tape later, I start closing the box lid…. Well, the little beggar was faking it. As soon as I let go of him, he shot out of the box and tried to run away again.
I was wrestling with the squirrel and trying to imagine how this thing was going to even get through customs. They’d probably open the bucket, it was a pretty suspicious package. I wondered if I should declare that I was shipping a live animal, but that would just entail more paperwork, plus they’d have to quarantine it….
Then I had another Torchwood dream. That makes my third. The first got changed into a story, and the second had an outline written down for yet another story that I might (hopefully?) forget about. No, no; I can’t forget about it, I wrote it down in my Brain. But this here… this is just a little snippet.
Oh, before we start, I want to make it perfectly clear, that I am NOT in any way, shape, or form responsible for what my brain does when it is dreaming! Do Not Blame Me!
Okay, so in this dream, me, Owen, and Jack were sitting in the Torchwood SUV. We were in the parking lot of some military/police place. Maybe a training academy? And garages. There were a lot of buildings. Anyway, some military/police vehicles started surrounding this one building like they were gonna storm it, and we figured we didn’t really want to park there.
So Jack drives the SUV towards the gates. Some rookie cop guy tries to stop us, of course Jack ignores him and drives out over the curb. The rookie guy is a little fanatical about his job. At first, I thought he had an assault shotgun pointed at us, but it turned out only to be a really big maglite. He throws himself bodily at the SUV and actually lands halfway on the hood. Now Jack has to stop.
The guy is out there yelling, “Get out of the car, NOW! Put your hands on the roof!” Jack gets out and is doing all this, while me and Owen are just sitting there snickering. Then the guy yells, “Spread your legs!” And we just start cracking up.
I go, “What is this? His first time?” Because the rookie guy is just really serious about all this.
Meanwhile, Jack is having a good time. He’s like, “Frisk me! Frisk me! I have a gun!”
Me and Owen are just dying in the back seat. I’m thinking, gawd, laughing is the worst thing to do when the cops pull you over. It’s just gonna make him mad! I’m SO not with these people!!
Now the rookie guy doesn’t have any gear, just his assault flashlight thing… No gun, no handcuffs. So he grabs the seatbelt and uses it to tie up Jack. Jack is way too happy, and the poor guy gets so flustered, he finally gives up and leaves.
Then Jack is kinda stuck tied outside the driver’s side door. So he’s telling us to get out and come untie him. Ain’t neither me nor Owen want that job!! I am SO not with those people, and they do NOT pay me enough!!