Here is a cautionary tale of woe for all you young whipper-snappers out there. You want to grow up to be a healthy video-game-playing adult? Take some advice!
So one weekend, 4 or 5 years ago, I had nothing to do but play DOOM 3 all weekend. YAY! I played five hours straight on Saturday. My left elbow felt a little tight — you know, like if you lie on your stomach for a while, leaning on your elbows? Feels like you need to straighten it out? It didn’t HURT, you see. Just felt a little tight.
So on Sunday, I did another 5-hour stint. And my elbow felt really tight, so I kept hyperextending it, like to pop it.
HINT NUMBER ONE: Do Not Wait Until It Hurts Before Taking A Break!
On Monday, it hurt like crazy! It was so painful and swollen, I put ice on it. It was SO painful, I left it on ice way too long, until all the pain was numb. SO numb that I could barely move the last two fingers on my left hand, the muscles were so frozen.
HINT NUMBER TWO: Don’t Over-Ice Your Injuries.
The sucker has never fully healed. Stupid doctor couldn’t do crap-all for it. “Try taking a pain-management course or taking ibuprofin every day for the rest of your life.” No, thanks! I had wanted to write another book, but I could NOT type! Not for well over a year. My friends had to put up with me typing to them in AOL-speak. You know, like “i c u 2day” and crap. Plus… you know, I can’t really play the FPS games I love so much, any more. :(
Okay, so video game injuries are BAD! Life-Altering Damage! (I had some funny CTRL-ALT-DEL Comics that I was going to link to here, but I can’t find them. Yo, Buckley, can you tweak that search engine?)
Now you MMO designers take note! You want old geezers to be able to play your game, make it easy on our carpal tunnel and assorted RSIs!
My buddy and I were trying out some MMO’s, searching for an actual RPG game. (You can see my series on MMO Reports, here on this blog.)
I can’t play DDO (Dungeons & Dragons Online), or any MMO that forces you to turn around and face your opponent in order to attack them. I mean, manually! Like in Rift, I would run around behind some baddie so I could back-stab. I click the baddie. “You are not facing your opponent.” Okay, so I have to run PAST the guy, Turn…. Around…., and THEN click him. Cripes, people, by that time he has noticed me even in stealth mode and is KICKING MY BUTT!!
Or if you are running away (uh, you know, to lure away one opponent where his buddies can’t gang up on you), and you click on the monster chasing you. “You are not facing your opponent.” DUDE! Guy Is Hammering On Me. I clicked on his butt, that MEANS that I want to turn around and WHACK HIM! What, I gotta do everything myself??
Then we were playing Lord of the Rings Online. Hence where this article’s title came from. You just Can Not click on the ground and go there. You have to hold down the forward key (the up arrow or the W key). Holding a key down with my left hand, for long periods of time, really hurts! So I yelled to my buddy: “I cannot hold the W key all the way to Isengard!”
Now I really want to play GW2. But I’m afraid it’s going to kill me. In GW, I had to use two controllers, one for each hand. Then the keyboard on my lap. The mouse? Off somewhere. OMG, whenever my character died, and that stupid, STUPID death cam started flying off and spinning around (and, worse, did not reset when you revived!), I had to take my hands off the controls, go find my mouse, re-position my camera….
And I looked at the GW2 controls wiki. There’s these four keys for your weapon skills, and these four keys for your racial skills, and then these other four keys for your class skills…! It wouldn’t be so bad if I could use the mouse and just click the icons on the screen. Oh, I know, you CAN do it that way. If you want to be so slow that you die most of the time!
But at least in Guild Wars, you could use the mouse to run somewhere. (Yeah, presuming you had a hand free to USE the mouse, which you’ll notice I didn’t!) Can you in GW2? Actually, maybe not. Because besides running forward, backwards, left and right; you can now double-tap those keys to dodge around the screen! Oh, brilliant! Well ten out of ten for style, but minus several million for making my life hell!
I should probably just give up. Maybe I can do a private RP with Jester and my Charr character. Cuz, “MMO-Manifesto” or not, I’m sure the game will not cater to my character’s history, personality, and story.