UWO: the “ETC” stories….
This story made possible by
Though this is a true story, the names have been changed to protect the innocent from being overly ridiculed…. :X Therefore, the players shall be known as Captain C (aka CC), Admiral A (aka AA), and Sailor S (aka SS).
“The Perils of Playing AFK”
It happened one night, when Captain C gave a shout out over the company channel that he had sprung the infamouse chicken pet quest! Admiral A so dearly wanted a toucan pet… she thought she might begin with a chicken and some exotic feathers glued to it… And Sailor S can’t resist pets of any type… So they all made haste towards Lisbon!
Just as they got to Lisbon and acquired the chicken quest (and chickens were procured for all around), CC declared he had to go to the store, and would be back in an hour. As the quest demanded getting to Venice in less than 60 days, naturally SS and AA wanted him (he with the biggest, fastest ship), to drive the fleet there.
Nevertheless, an hour and a half later, there was no sign of CC’s return. SS had finished dinner, but AA had to go eat. So SS had the brilliant idea of stocking up on supplies, dumping out of CC’s fleet, and making a straight marathon run to Venice, towing the afk AA along. She foolishly agreed…..
Things went well. Extra water was procured from rain. Traffic was light. AA scarfed some vigor food. Finally she was torn away from the computer by the dreaded RL.
Not 30 seconds after that, Old Hafus jumped us.
Not JUST Old Hafus, but Old Hafus and four of his brothers! Oh, he was out for blood that day! I was in a panic! Of course, SS could flee, but if Hafus hit AA, and she lost her follow… she’d be shark bait! Bravely, valiantly, and utterly stupidly, SS threw his ship between Hafus and AA. AA’s autopilot ship sailed on obliviously while two Hafus ships rammed SS and totally disabled his ship, stuck him up (fortunately, not touching his cargo of 100 honey, nor the 10 important chickens), killed or enslaved ALL his sailors, and ran off laughing.
Poor SS could only sit there, watching AA’s ship sail off into the wild blue yonder, heading for a disasterous meeting with the Italian peninsula. Poor AA. Well, no, poor SS, because she was going to KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL HIM when she got back!!! If she had a ship left to get back TO.
Unwilling to wreck and drop 100 jars of honey (and boy, was the honey market in the tank!), SS sat sunning himself on deck. Couldn’t even fish! When lo! On the company channel, CC reappeared! Hallelujah, and COME RESCUE ME were something like the words that came out of SS’s mouth. And so CC set out from Lisbon to find the stranded ship on the way to Venice.
Meanwhile… what to SS’s unbelieving eyes should appear, but AA’s ship coming BACK westward. What was this? His timely rescue? No no no… AA’s ship was still on autopilot and had apparently bounced off of Italy. Oddly enough, AA’s ship still appeared to be defending from Old Hafus, and Old Hafus’ fleet was still hanging around the disabled ship. After AA zoomed through, Old Hafus took off in hot pursuit!
Some time later, SS noticed AA’s ship location as somewhere in the Open Sea…. apparently having escaped Old Hafus and managing to MISS any geography between the Mediterranean and, oh, say the Americas. Oh yes… in the 80 days it would take AA to get back… SS was a DEAD MAN. Presuming she could get back. She’s not that handy with a map nor the compass…. ::cough::
Now CC was approaching Cagliari, and SS ran around his ship frantically looking for something akin to fireworks or a flare to set off, so CC could find him. Yelling landmarks, SS looked yearningly to the horizon to see CC’s ship. At last! Rescue was at hand! CC grabbed SS’s ship in tow, and found him two sailors. Almost immediately, there was a mutiny. Yes, well, SS’s captaining skills (not to mention sanity) were in question, here. And yet, though SS had 5 Cat o’ Nine Tailses, they were not effective against the mutiny of the two sailors.
Finally, beneath the boot of Italy, one sailor killed the other, and that settled that. Except then he wanted fancy food. And promptly afterward got homesick. Nevertheless, SS was still only 38 days into the 60 day quest. Could CC’s charging ship make it against the headwinds to get him to Venice in time?
Meanwhile, the company locator now listed AA as being in the Ligurian Sea. Apparently, she’d managed to bounce around in the Mediterranean like a pinball, escaping who knows how many pirates and reefs and disasters. Yes, AA not only had dinner, but trustingly went to watch TV for a few hours afterward….
CC and SS made it to Venice! And in time! (Minus some time to pass out on the shore… and head to the tavern for a DOUBLE!) Chickens were delivered, and there was the extra little chick given to the Pet Trainer. (Even though the eggs laid were turned into provisions while stranded at sea. :X ) Huzzah! The Pet Trainer was located and… to CC’s and SS’s eternal dismay, it was discovered that their bachelor school dorms did not allow pets. ::SIGH::
But that’s not all! Our valiant SS set out once more to find the lost AA in the Ligurian sea. Barely pausing for provisions, and certainly not for potty breaks… SS rounded the Italian peninsula and… dang but the Ligurian sea was bigger than remembered. And so SS zigzagged around, shouting across the open ocean for anyone who might’ve spotted the stranded AA. For surely, her ship must be wrecked by now :X
Back and forth, and back and forth, (and, btw, the honey market was still in the tank!)… At last, SS scoured the coastline from Pisa on west, and headed to Montpellier — and LO! There was the stranded ship of AA! Huzzah! Of course, AA was still afk, so SS continued on and waited in Montpellier harbor for the shout to come across the winds of, “W T F HAPPENED TO MY SHIP!?!??!?!?!?!”
Whereupon, SS hurriedly rescued the damsel and explained EVERYTHING! Especially his heroic sacrifice of himself to Old Hafus and CC’s entire fault for starting the whole thing.
And is reportedly still living, to this very day! Huzzah!
And the moral of that story is… do NOT go AFK while out to sea! No matter WHO is driving!