Asexual Awareness Week #5 – Two Things I Wish Sexuals Knew


Asexual Awareness Week 2011 — October 23-29

Disclaimer: I am one individual asexual. My views, experiences, and opinions do not neccessarily represent those of the asexual community at large, nor any other individual asexuals.
Note: the word ‘sexual’ when used as a noun in this context means a person of one of the three intercourse-seeking sexual alignments: heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual; as opposed to people of the fourth sexual alignment: asexual.
Note: the word ‘normal’ when in quotes is used as an abbreviation for mainstream heterosexual norms, with apologies to all.


This was going to be more than two things, but some of those things were a little… disparaging. Here are two hugely important things that I think sexuals fail to understand, and should be more aware of.


#1: Sensual does not mean Sexual

Sensual means “of the senses” — that’s touch, sight, sound, taste, and smell. As a highly-sensitive, artistic person, I enjoy sensuality. I would be free to enjoy it more if it weren’t all co-opted into being sexual.

Honestly, what does a massage mean to you? The stroking of the skin, the kneading of the muscles, the warmth of the friction…. Yeah, you sexuals and your “massage parlours.” (“I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine.”) What about silk sheets? Luxurious fur? A long, hot bath and a fluffy warm towel? Even just cuddling up on the couch watching TV is foreplay to you guys.

Scent — What does it mean when you give a woman flowers? You want sex. When you wear perfume or musk? You want to attract sexual partners.

Taste — What’s a big, sumptuous dinner for? A date to have sex. Eating strawberries? More foreplay. Chocolate? Aphrodisiac!

Sound — What’s the subject of 99% of all popular music? Mindless infatuation or meaningless sex. (You know: “love” songs.) What does a deeply passionate and moving string symphony mean? Romantic music.

Sight — I already mentioned watching TV. Movies can go in here. Date = dinner, a movie, and hopefully — sex. Enjoying a beautiful sunset? Another date for sex.

Almost every single sensual experience one can have has been co-opted into something sexual. Now look, I don’t care if being sensually stimulated just all goes straight to your gonads. There IS a difference between sensual pleasuer and sexual pleasure. And just because I eat strawberries and want a massage on silk sheets does NOT mean I want to have sex with you!


#2: Sex is not Love; Love is not Sex

This is very important for the well-being of so many asexuals. Most asexuals crave love, affection, and companionship just as much as any “normal” person. Something deeper than regular friendship; something lasting — like a life partner.

Yet so many times asexuals wil explain their love, and their desire not to have sex, and get this:
“You don’t want to have sex with me? Oh, okay. We’ll just be friends.”

And th great love of our life will hunt for some other life partner.

Okay, okay. For most if not all sexuals, a life partner means love, companionship, and sex. But… GAH! Just because someone doesn’t want sex does not mean their love is not deep and true! Cripes, that’s only a line for horney guys to commit soft date rape! Stop making it the be-all and end-all definition of Love!



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