Asexual Awareness Week #4 — Are You Asexual?


Asexual Awareness Week 2011 — October 23-29

Disclaimer: I am one individual asexual. My views, experiences, and opinions do not neccessarily represent those of the asexual community at large, nor any other individual asexuals.
Note: the word ‘sexual’ when used as a noun in this context means a person of one of the three intercourse-seeking sexual alignments: heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual; as opposed to people of the fourth sexual alignment: asexual.
Note: the word ‘normal’ when in quotes is used as an abbreviation for mainstream heterosexual norms, with apologies to all.


“Being The One is a lot like being in love. No one can tell you if you’re in love. You just know it; balls to bones.”
–The Oracle

This is the same deal. No one can tell you if you are an asexual (or gay, or bi, or anything else); you just know it. Nevertheless, there are grey areas and demi-sexuals and confused young people (or old!), so here’s a quick self-assessment test.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not a doctor, psychaitrist, sexologist, or any other qualified… anybody! This “test” is not scripture, law, or Absolute Truth. Take it with a grain of salt :P


1: Do you want to have sex with someone (someday, at least)?

A: Yes.
Okay, nope, you’re not asexual!

A: I don’t know — maybe?
Pretend you said No, and continue to question 2.

A: No.
Go on to the next question.


2: How do you feel about never having sex?

A: Happy! Yes, that sounds good to me!
Yep, you’re an asexual.

A: Don’t really care.
There’s a good chance you are asexual, or at least “Gray-A” or demisexual.

A: Worried I’m not normal.
If you feel that something is horridly wrong with you, then you may be sexual. If OTHERS project this feeling onto you, you may be asexual. Try not listening to them.

A: I feel inadequate, incomplete, unmanly or unwomanly, frustrated, terrified because I am missing out on the most fantastic experience in the universe!

This would mean you are a (probably) sexual with a sexual dysfunction.


Or, basically, you aren’t “broken” or “dysfunctional” unless you feel, deep inside, that something is wrong. If you are happy about the way you are, then that’s the way you are, and you do NOT need to change it!

As I stated before, asexuality is no more a dysfunction or a “disease” than homosexuality. (If you think homosexuality IS a dysfunction or disease, you need to catch up with the modern era, here.)


There are two other “definitions” of orientation that are closely related to asexuals. If you’re not sure about your sexuality or asexuality, perhaps you fit into one of these niches.

Grey-A: This is a person who is mostly asexual. They may feel sexual attraction, but not have any desire to act on it. Or it may be fleeting and vanish quickly.

Demisexual: This is a person who does not feel sexual attraction, until and unless they form a deep friendship and closeness with someone first.


What Asexuality Isn’t:

Asexuality is not celibacy or chastity. These are conscious choices a person makes to withhold from sexual activity. Asexuality isn’t something you can decide to be or not to be; it’s an inherent orientation.

Asexuality is not induced. Asexuals are not the product of bad upbringings, or of sexual abuse. A person who is sexually assaulted or abused may develop a fear or aversion to sexual intercourse, but that does not change their inherent sexual identity. And no amount of preaching, haranguing about pillars of salt, or threatening with eternal afterlife punishment ever changed a person’s sexual orientation.


To learn more about asexuals and asexuality; to get details on Grey-A’s and demi-sexuals; to meet other asexuals — check out AVEN: the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network.


Two more posts from me. The final will be a Q&A, so if you want to fire off some questions… be warned, I might answer!



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