Asexual Awareness Week #3- What Is it Like to be Asexual?


Asexual Awareness Week 2011 — October 23-29

Disclaimer: I am one individual asexual. My views, experiences, and opinions do not neccessarily represent those of the asexual community at large, nor any other individual asexuals.
Note: the word ‘sexual’ when used as a noun in this context means a person of one of the three intercourse-seeking sexual alignments: heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual; as opposed to people of the fourth sexual alignment: asexual.
Note: the word ‘normal’ when in quotes is used as an abbreviation for mainstream heterosexual norms, with apologies to all.


Sexuality and gender roles are so bound up in individual identity, it is difficult to understand something so completely different from your own perspective. Even broad-minded people who are not prejudiced against non-“normal” sexual orientations have a hard time getting a grip on the concept of asexuality. After all, every single sexual orientation wants to have sex. The absence of this desire is truly an alien concept.

If I were buddies with Anthony Zuiker, I’d tell him to write an asexual character for on of the CSI shows. (I don’t think he’d listen, though; since there aren’t even homosexual characters in them.) I’d tell them to make i a guy; any actor should jump at that chance — women ADORE men who don’t want to have sex with them. He’ll get lots of fans!

Now, if I were coaching this actor (who isn’t actually asexual himself), this is how I would explain his attitudes, percetions, and motivations:

Imagine that 99% of everybody else in the world is obsessed with a strange physical activity. Imagine that they are mad-whacked, ga-ga obsessed over licking each other’s eyeballs.

I picked that because both are wet, and they are pretty sheltered and delicate. Your tongue is in your mouth, out of sight — you don’t just whip it out for no reason. And NOBODY likes getting poked in the eye. So you can see some analogys between them and sexual organs.

Also, unless you are a gecko fetishist, your first reaction to the idea of somebody coming at your eyeball with their tongue is probably “EEEUW!”

And there you have it — asexuality in a nutshell.


Now… since CSI deals with a lot of sex crimes, we won’t make our asexual character an aversion-type asexual. That poor guy probably couldn’t even make it through the training program. Instead, he’ll be indifferent.

So this eyeball-licking phenomenon doesn’t really disturb him… he just can NOT imagine what anybody sees in it! WHY they would ever want to DO it. It’s just downright WEIRD.

And yet, millions of people — billions! — the world over are doing it all the time. Or wishing they were doing it, or talking about doing it, or reading about it, or fantasizing about doing it later, or making jokes and constant innuendoes about it, or seeing people on TV doing it, or watching infinitely endless pictures and movies of people doing it on the internet, or just plain staring at co-workers’ eyeballs and drooling, or fantasizing about how long and thick their tongues are….

And our asexual character just has to stand there with a WTF expression on his face.

That, and our poor asexual character can’t get a date without worrying about someone propositioning him to do it with them. And then trying to explain how and why he doesn’t have the slightest urge to engage in that activity. And his prospective date (and probably ‘former’ friend) getting in a snit because he doesn’t like her enough to do it with her. And if he tries to explain it further, that it isn’t just her — then he’s going to get the “You need medical help” thing or the “You need psychological counseling” thing, or just the plain old “You’re messed up” thing.


So the next time you are trying to convince someone how great your method of sex is and why everyone should do it your way, stop a moment and pretend you’re talking about licking someone’s eyeballs.


Are you tired of all that sex sex sex? Are YOU an asexual? Tomorrow, we’ll have a short test for it, and a more in-depth explanation.



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