when i was little, people called me ‘unique.’ and i really basked in this label, i wanted to be as unique as possible! although lately, the past few years or so… it has kinda gotten to be somewhat of a drag. i mean, i just can NOT find anyone that i can really relate to.
not to say that everyone else is *not* unique. i mean, NO ONE in the world has the same gene combination you do, after all — and the experiences and thoughts and feelings (for you twins/triplets/etclets out there :P ) but there IS the realm of ‘normal.’ i don’t want to insult anyone, but most of y’all are way more normal than i am.
first, i’m a highly sensitive person. i have well-attuned senses, and… well, a lot of things bother me that ‘normal’ people just don’t even NOTICE. i’ve been reading a book about this phenomenon. there was some advice in it, but a lot of it…. well, each chapter was like a painful flashback on my life.
(“The Highly Sensitive Person” at amazon.com)
highly sensitive infants and toddlers, and how their parents screw them up. highly sensitive young children and how the school system screws them up. highly sensitive teens — and you thought YOUR high school years were bad. :X highly sensitive adults, etc etc. very good for ‘normal’ people trying to understand us, but very touchy. i recommend skipping a lot of the example stories, really.
now it seems that highly sensitive people (if i’m recalling the numbers right) only make up 1/4 of the human population — 25%
next, i’m an introvert — i know all you folks who know me online can NOT believe that, but it is true! introverts make up about 1/3 or 33% of the human population. now, introverted does NOT mean shy. i read a really excellent book, “the introvert advantage,” and it helped me *immensely* in understanding myself.
(“The Introvert Advantage” on amazon.com
the brain wiring and chemistry of an introvert is completely different from ‘normal’ people. the major difference is that the pathways introverts use to think are much longer than the pathways that extroverts use. this is why it takes them ‘such a long time’ to think. each thought gets a lot more processing time than an extrovert thought.
as a quick example, let’s say you ask me what i want for lunch. a simple question, right? a ‘normal’ person just blinks and says, “ham and cheese sandwich,” and goes on with their life. what they want just pops right into their head. not so for introverts. for me, my brain is going: “what do i want for lunch? well, gee, a sandwich would be nice, but i think i’m down to my last two pieces of bread. when am i going to the grocery store next to get some more? will i want a sandwich more on one of those days before i get there? is it my day to eat yogurt because that’s how i take my st johns wort? if i don’t eat yogurt today, what will i put my SJW in? do i NEED to take it today? have i been un-depressed enough to skip a dose or put it off til tomorrow…?” and you wonder why i hate making decisions when i don’t have to!
the most amazing thing i’ve learned in this book is… normal people don’t think. well, not what *I* consider thinking, anyway. i mean, i’ve always SAID normal people were abysmally stupid, but… :X ::cough:: seriously, though. the book says that ‘normal’ people do not have a constant inner dialogue going on. their brains are SILENT! this just totally blows me away. i honestly can’t imagine that. my brain is *constantly* talking to me. sometimes, in fact, i canNOT shut it up!
‘normal’ people get bored alone in a room. extroverts need someone to talk to, to amuse them, to break up the tedium. introverts, on the other hand, do not like people to be around, because that interrupts their ability to think. if you guys have ever wondered where i get all my creativity and ideas… it’s in all those mundane little pockets of time throughout the day, where your brain is just humming to itself and not saying anything. you know, getting up to go to the bathroom; going to make lunch; brushing your teeth; combing your hair; getting dressed; making dinner…. my brain is going a mile a minute, halfway across the galaxy and back throughout all this. i’m sorry, but these mundane tasks in a mundane life just do NOT hold my attention!
the other thing i discovered is why i can’t talk to people. as you all know, i can type up a storm, i’m opinionated and not afraid to insult anyone, im hella fast at trivia, quick-witted…. but THAT part of my brain doing that? that’s the introvert thought-process center. writing and typing, i can directly access those thoughts. the VOCAL and AUDIO processing portion of my brain are a totally different area. and, when i’m trying to process verbal communication, the part of my brain that does my thinking actually shuts down, so the vocal part can try to work. and it don’t work so hot!
last, and also ‘least’ in terms of population percentage — i’m an asexual. for those who have never heard of that, that is the FOURTH human sexual orientation. there’s bi-sexual (who like both genders — btw ‘normal’ heterosexuals, they out-number you), heterosexual (who like the opposite gender), and homosexual(who like the same gender). and the forgotten child in this family, the asexual (who doesn’t like anybody) :P yes, asexuals are NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED to anyone or anything. we don’t WANT to be, thank you so much. we’re NOT broken, diseased, mentally unsound, traumatized, etc etc.
You can find out more at AVEN
now, i’ve seen the percentage of asexuals listed as 4% of the human population. i’m going to go and say that it is more than that, because SO many asexuals don’t even realize they are asexual — or even that such a thing exists. they think they are heterosexual, but just haven’t found anyone that arouses them. or fear they are homosexual. or think they need medical or psychiatric help to have a ‘normal’ libido. so i’m going to say maybe even up to 8% of the population is asexual.
the thing is, i can’t do percentage math. but 33% of 25% of 8% is really, really vanishingly SMALL. what does this mean? well, yeah, i’m ‘unique.’ it’s pretty lonely in this category…. :/
now, my wandering brain began thinking about fae. first off, i was never into fae and faeries and suchlike. i thought pixies and brownies and bogarts were kinda stupid. little flittering bug people and their pixie dust didn’t do anything for me. lately, though, i have begun to understand that ‘faerie tales’ aren’t really exactly what the fae are like. ‘real’ fae (if i can even say that!) are alien, powerful, and really, REALLY nasty. okay, so sue me, i kinda like that :X
but now, what if, just for a second, we contemplate the fact that the fae can be real? well, it stands to reason i might just be one. i mean, look at the specs for the alfar (fae elves, as opposed to fantasy elves, like in lord of the rings and dnd etc) — they have sharp eyesight and hearing, right? highly attuned senses? above and beyond those of mere mortals. well, that’s what highly sensitive people are. and the alfar are old and wise and all that (or at least annoyingly clever and tricksy) — probably like introverts. they take a longer time to think and do things. (though that’s mainly because they are immortal and a few years doesn’t mean much to them.) and fae aren’t asexual at all, near as i can tell. but then, they can’t be TOO fecund, because (again, being immortal), they’d overpopulate themselves.
so, i dunno. maybe there ARE fae among us. or some sorta changelings, who knows?
naaah. just my restless brain putting things together, going down all kinds of crazy avenues. you know how it is. or… well, i guess you don’t, but i did try to describe it. :X meanwhile, my brain would like to continue with one of its 3 1/2 epic stories it is telling me, instead of doing REAL work, like i want it to! hello? braaaaain? remember SL? remember the stuff we wanted to build? here brain, here brain! look at the stick! see stick? see stick pointing to what we are supposed to be doing—- oohhh, no, don’t run off into the forest aGAIN! ::sigh::